It’s Time For My Ugly Hibernation
PC: @biancabiancak
I believe women need to marinate in some ugly time every once in a while… hear me out. In order for me to have fiery seasons—you know, skin tan, face sharp, body tea—then I need to marinate in my ugly seasons, too. Life’s a balance, and I find comfort in being able to exist in both ends of the spectrum. My ugly seasons come pretty much at the same time every year. It usually begins mid-December and lasts until mid-February. Yes, it’s long—almost annoyingly so at times. But I know that no matter how much I eat right, work out, meditate, and journal, I just can’t seem to wake my beauty up from its deep hibernation. There’s no fighting it, so I just lean into it.
During this hibernation, a number of things occur: my under eyes darken, my skin tends to droop (hello jowls), I look ghostly pale, and I break out more. My face looks more square-like than usual, my asian-american eyelids do this weird double fold-over thing, the fashion is somehow never hitting, and I look like someone took all the life and joy out of me. It’s not how I feel, thankfully. But that’s often how I seem to appear.
Now, some might say it’s all in my head. And sure, some part of it may feel exaggerated in my eyes. But I’m not someone who typically speaks down about herself. I’ve also had some people point it out to me (without my asking, how rude 😂). But I don’t take offense to the comments or the occurrence; I think it’s a necessary part of life. It’s an excuse to retreat into my cave and tend to my inner world for some time. I go out less and enjoy the hell out of home life. And when I look in the mirror and don’t necessarily LOVE what I see, it builds character.
My ugly hibernation, as I like to call it, allows me to slow down and appreciate the quiet moments in life. Something about not looking good just feels cozy and right, like it’s “home” in some way. It also makes me infinitely more grateful to the Bianca that feels like a ten, once the hibernation ends. Seeing the difference between 0 and 100 is kind of entertaining and comical to me, and it also makes me value both sides all the more.
So if you’re sitting there with a case of the winter blues, don’t fret. Marinate yourself in these feels, these moments, and discover a different side of you. Life can’t always continue on a high, and these ugly weeks, months, seasons are just necessary sometimes!
With Love,
A tired-looking (but not feeling) Bianca
