The Greatest Gift I Received From The Universe: Solitude During The Holidays

PC: Pinterest/Faine

There’s this word that’s been coming up over and over again in my life, and that’s “authenticity." In today’s hyper-connected world, it’s something all seek yet few achieve (most likely because everyone is seeking it). It’s been interesting to me because I feel like I’ve lived life a bit backwards. I felt my most authentic self between the ages of 17 and 27. To put it plainly, I didn’t think about anything but myself. I only had space in my brain to worry about myself. And I don’t mean this in a I-don’t-care-about-anyone kind of way. To the contrary, I was able to love my friends and family deeply because my own cup was always full. But that started to avalanche downward in my late 20s. I became busy and was constantly surrounded by people—very successful people whom I came to envy. It was inevitable that I started to look to my left and right to see what they were doing. And if they had something I wanted, I tried to emulate their actions, fashions, and lifestyles. And as a result, I lost my authenticity. I lost my mind, in truth.

I recently moved back to the suburbs near the town where I grew up. I’m surrounded by the scenery that raised me. I’m reminded of the dreams I used to have and the excitement that followed. In this quiet town, I have the space and peace to indulge in said dreams, expand on them until they have full-blown strategic plans. These are my dreams, where I play the lead character. And with no one else around me, it’s easier to keep my sights on my own lane.

I was given a grand gift this holiday season, and it was two weeks of solitude. My partner and I were planning on spending Christmas together in Germany with his family, but I bailed last minute for both financial and personal reasons. I needed rest. I traveled almost every month of 2025, and while it was adventurous and packed with excitement, I haven’t had a second to just breathe. So for the last two weeks, I’ve just been sitting at home. My greatest thrill? Going to the local supermarket. Otherwise, I’m sat in my kitchen or living room day in and day out. I’m journaling, I’m catching up on TV, I’m taking long walks with my dog… I’ve only been doing what my body wants to be doing. I’m not meeting anyone, I’m not talking, I’m not thinking about someone else’s needs. I feel as though I’m finally communicating with myself again. I’m listening to what my soul needs, and I’m indulging in its interests.

I’m sure it’s going to take more than two weeks to fully break out of the comparison game. But I’ve been opening up Instagram less, and when I do, I find myself caring less about what I see. The stress that usually follows the envy is evaporating.

To be authentic is to like what you like. It’s to love what you already own, wholeheartedly. Not what’s trending, not what someone else likes, but whatever gets your heart racing. So polish that communication between your heart and mind. Thank you, universe, for allotting me two weeks of solitude. It’s the perfect way to end the year, and the best way to set me up for a successful, most Bianca-esque 2026.

With love,

A very content Bianca